Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
