Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
this is an emotional support booty call
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
