my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
