I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
