I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
