Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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