Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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