I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize