Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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