I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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