I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
