Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
