"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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