He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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