We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
