so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
