i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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