I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
