i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize