dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
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