i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize