i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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