i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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