Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
