those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
