I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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