we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Houston, we have a squirter
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
