Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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