There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Still dying that you shit outside
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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