It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
