i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
