He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
