he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
