Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
