my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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