How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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