i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
