I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
