pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This house was built for laser tag.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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