My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
