Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
