somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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