Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
