My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
