There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
