Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
