I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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