So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think i have two assholes
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
