He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
