Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
