Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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