I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
