Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
