i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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