we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I looked at my own cervix.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
