i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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