he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
