he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
