At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
