Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
