I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
