can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
not ubering you a puppy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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