Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Boobs are out for the taking
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
