i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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