obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
