The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
